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Separating from your spouse affects the whole family, but children often have a difficult time adjusting to the changes. As a parent, you can help your child adjust to life after divorce. Though stress and emotional turmoil might be difficult to avoid, you can take steps to provide your child with support and stability in a time of uncertainty.
Maintain open and honest communication
It might help to explain your separation in a way your child can understand. Consider explaining the divorce in simple language without overwhelming them with adult details or conflicts. Let them know that you still love them and that it is not their fault.
Many children blame themselves for their parents’ separation and think they caused the divorce. Remind them often that they are not to blame. Encourage your child to express their feelings and ask questions. Listen without judgment and validate their emotions, even if they seem angry or sad. Creating a safe space for these conversations helps your child process their feelings in healthy ways.
Understand Indiana’s parenting time guidelines
Indiana provides parenting time guidelines designed to ensure children maintain meaningful relationships with both parents. Courts generally favor regular contact with both parents unless there is a reason to limit it.
Indiana law encourages parents to create their own parenting plans instead of relying on a court schedule. When you and your co-parent work together to create a schedule that fits your child’s needs, you demonstrate cooperation that benefits everyone. The guidelines address regular parenting time, holidays, school breaks and special occasions, providing flexibility while ensuring consistency for your child.
Keep routines as consistent as possible
Divorce can make life feel uncertain for your child. Maintaining familiar routines can help your child feel safer and more secure. Try to keep consistent schedules for meals, bedtimes, school activities and time with friends.
If you need to make changes to living arrangements, introduce them gradually when possible. It may help to work with your co-parent to keep basic rules and expectations consistent in both homes. When children know what to expect, they feel more secure, even as other aspects of their life change.
Avoid putting your child in the middle of adult conflicts
Your child should never feel like a messenger between you and your former spouse or be asked to choose sides. Do not criticize the other parent in front of your child. Doing so can create stress and make your child feel caught in the middle.
Do not use your child to gather information about your ex-partner or their home. Keep adult conflicts and legal matters separate from your interactions with your child. Remember that your child loves both parents and needs to maintain healthy relationships with each of you.
Consider your child’s preference appropriately
Indiana courts consider a child’s custody preferences as part of the best interests standard, but by law, the court explicitly grants significantly more weight and consideration to the child’s wishes if they are at least 14 years old.
However, this does not mean you should ask your child to choose between parents or make them feel responsible for custody decisions. The court evaluates the child’s wishes as one factor among many, always focusing on the child’s best interests.
If your child expresses preferences about living arrangements or parenting time, listen respectfully without pressuring them or making them feel guilty. Understand that children’s preferences may change over time as they mature and circumstances evolve. Indiana law recognizes that flexibility in parenting arrangements often benefits children as they grow and their needs change.
Helping your child adjust after divorce
The support you provide can make a big difference in how your child handles divorce. By maintaining open communication, respecting parenting time guidelines and shielding them from conflict, you can protect your child from emotional harm and help them adjust to the changes that come with divorce.